I am experiencing an overtly artistic day and by artistic I really mean shitty. I’ve been painting since sunrise and drinking since nearly then as well. There’s nothing a bottle of vodka, a painkiller, and a bottle of $2 wine won’t fix, right? Ok, maybe I am wrong and maybe I am making terrible decisions today. But, for right now, in this moment, I don’t care. Nothing matters. It’s strangely calming to exist in such a state of nothingness–not really feeling, not thinking, not caring.
It is almost like standing next to the Grand Canyon. Every time I go there I have an overwhelming sense of how finite and insignificant I am. This is not in a negative way at all. It’s like everything falls away and you realize your own humanness, how limited we are. While we still have immeasurable potential for what we, in our finite states, can do or become, standing in front of something so large and so breathtaking brings me back to the reality of how small I actually am. That type of smallness takes away worries and concerns, erases thoughts, soothes the aches of the soul, because it makes everything else stop mattering so much.
Interesting how I can find almost that same feeling at the bottom of this bottle. It’s like a prize in a box of Cracker Jacks… no, some cereal, the prizes in Cracker Jacks always suck.
Also, I should probably note somewhere in the morning, not to drunk blog.
