I applied to be a roofer. I told them I could bring my own shingles. No game, didn’t get the job.
Ok, I didn’t really apply to be a roofer, but it would be humorous. I caught the shingles. Or really rather, I have them. They can’t be caught, but I am a deathly harbinger of the chickenpox for all those who have not yet been infected. “Wooooooooo I am the ghost of the pox, come to infect the masses… woooooo.” Very scary, I’m sure. Of course, this means that really I should barricade myself inside of my apartment for the rest of the semester purely in the interests of the student population on campus. However, I’m not so sure my professors would be very pleased with my already poor attendance. I’ve spent my day toying with the idea of sending out the following letter:
Dear University of *******:
It has recently come to my attention that the university has no current standing policy on contagious diseases. I am afflicted with the most unexciting pox virus of all which is causing me to have shingles–not the ones on the roof. I propose that I be permitted to remain at home, safely quarantined for the next few months or so as not to infect others.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Typhoid Mary
I’m sure they will respond favorably. I mean, honestly, what about the .2% of the student/staff population who has not had the chicken pox???
Anyways, moving on another point. I am moderately disappointed in the virus itself. I’ve already had the chicken pox, it could at least be something more exciting like Monkey Pox or Cow Pox. (Which are so much more exciting that I have correctly capitalized them as proper nouns.) Especially with the amount of pain and general miserableness that it is causing, I would at least like to be able to have something a bit more exciting to say in explanation besides, “Oh, it’s a reactivation of the chicken pox virus.”
I should really apply for that roofing job.
